It seems like all you and your spouse do these days is fight. You cannot stand to be around one another because the bickering is constant. Yet when you are apart, that all goes away. Naturally, you think the solution to your problem is divorce. But is it?
Be careful about assuming divorce is a cure for all that ails you and your spouse. Divorce often causes more problems than it solves. Why? Because the problem in a couple’s relationship usually isn’t the relationship itself. The two parties are the problem.
A False Association
By the time a typical couple is ready to file for divorce, they have long since passed the point of minor disagreements. Instead, they have graduated to fighting over very little things. Fighting becomes a way of life for them.
Here is the thing about fighting with your spouse: you cannot do it very effectively when you have virtually no contact. This creates an interesting conundrum when couples separate. They may separate for a few months in hopes of trying to work things out. However, they also run the risk of making a false association of cause and effect.
That false association lies in linking their separation to the end of their marriage problems. They assume that, because they do not fight as much as they used to, divorce is the best solution to their problems. They do not realize that they are probably going to resume fighting once the divorce process begins.
Child Custody Issues
ABM Family Law, a firm of Chicago divorce attorneys, says that some of the biggest fights during divorce proceedings occur over child custody issues. Bitter couples fight over the children as though they are possessions. One or both might use shared children as weapons against the other.
Not only has a couple’s fighting resumed in such cases, but now they are using their children as pawns. Their fighting is having a mental and emotional impact on children already devastated by their parents’ divorce. In all likelihood, mom and dad will continue fighting over the kids until they become adults.
Another source of bitter arguments in divorce proceedings its finances. Couples fight over asset distribution. They fight over who gets the house and who keeps the car. They might also fight over investments, retirement accounts, etc.
In the worst cases, one spouse might take all the money out of a joint account without telling the other. It is not until the other spouse runs out of money that they discover the joint account was closed.
People involved in divorce proceedings can be terribly cruel to one another. If it is not closing a joint account, it’s running up huge credit card bills before the other person realizes it’s time to remove the ex as an authorized user.
Damage to Future Relationships
Divorce creates new problems in terms of child custody, finances, and even grandparent visitation. But there is one more hidden danger that rarely gets talked about: potential damage to future relationships.
At the heart of most relationship problems is selfishness. Does a divorced person suddenly become less selfish after the divorce? If two people cannot figure out how to make their marriage work, what are the chances of them figuring out with someone else later on?
Divorce has been part of human history since the beginning. Is that a good thing? That is a matter of debate. One thing we can say for sure is that there is no guarantee divorce will eliminate problems. Often times, it creates just as many as it solves.